Reflections on tone policing
TLDR; Being mindful of the following two points can help with being aware of tone policing and preventing it/calling it out:
- Organizational hierarchy (in addition to other attributes such as race, gender, etc.) can also lead to privilege differences which contribute to tone policing.
- Cultural differences can lead to tone being misconstrued.
“Tone policing is a tactic used by those who have privilege to silence the ones who do not by focusing on the tone of what is being said rather than the actual content.” (source: FeminismInIndia)
2 elements stand out:
- Differences in privilege
- Tone (of what is being said)
Differences in privilege: While I have thought of differences in privilege in the context of attributes such as race, gender, financial status, and so on, an attribute that I had not contemplated earlier was organizational hierarchy.
A scenario that illustrates how differences in privilege can arise from organizational hierarchy is as follows:
- Your manager can dismiss your suggestion without explanation but you have to make elaborate decks to get buy-in for your suggestion.
- Thus, your manager has privilege stemming from organizational hierarchy while you don’t.
- As you express frustration with the lack of rationale for dismissal of your suggestion, if your manager asks you to express your dissatisfaction in a more acceptable tone, then they are using tone policing to silence you when you call out their privilege.
Tone of what is being said: As I reflected, I realized that the tone can be misconstrued across cultural differences. So what might be a perfectly normal way of communication for one individual can come across as an aggressive way of communicating to another individual.
A scenario that illustrates how tone can be misconstrued is as follows:
- You and your peer are debating a decision. You have been sharing your arguments in favor of a decision while your peer does not feel convinced by them and yet does not clearly explain the reason for disagreeing with you.
- You say “I am not having success convincing you. Let’s turn the tables around and how about you try to convince me”
- You might have seen this as a perfectly valid way to try to progress towards consensus but the tone of this statement was assessed as combative/threatening by your peer who comes from a different cultural background.
Being mindful of these elements might help with awareness of tone policing in an organization and preventing tone policing.
References
Materials that helped me think through tone policing:
